This past month has brought huge, occasionally devastating changes to my life. I’ve truly appreciated all the support (and cookies/ice cream) from my friends and family.
At times it felt like the beginning of my undergrad, where a similar string of sad events happened. I reminded myself that I’ve come a long way since eighteen year old me, and that just because history felt like it was repeating itself didn’t mean I had to react in the same way. So I haven’t.
This past week brought closure. Meeko and I picked up Snickers ashes from the vet, a to-do errand I would wish on no one. She’s sitting with Moose on my shelf now. My mind tried to come up with images and negative thoughts that would upset me. Instead, Meeko and I drove directly to a dog park. It’s hard to be around puppies playing and friendly dog owners and still feel sorry for yourself. I made friends with a retired man who “babysits” his daughter’s dog twice a week. After learning that I taught at Boise State, the man confessed he never realized the benefits of humanities classes when he was going through school. He is going to look into auditing some courses at Boise State, just for fun!
The workload is still pretty intense, but I’m feeling better about it. If I’m totally honest, I would say I expected more reading. But I don’t want to jinx it. Oh wait…
This weekend I read through my students drafts for their first big paper. Most of them were surprisingly good, and seemed to incorporate feedback I’d given them throughout the semester. It’s exciting to see someone who claims to struggle with writing find a topic where they have real opinions they wish to express. I think there’s a part of teaching that is so instantly rewarding that I can get sucked in and avoid the ‘real work’ of my own writing. Other days I feel the exact opposite though. Seeing Professor Sizemore on their papers still makes me laugh. It amazes me that anyone takesme seriously. Don’t they know I’m just acting??
This Friday I went to a poetry reading that really inspired me. I’m considering forming social experiments to fuel my own writing. If I can be brave enough. Maybe I’ll surprise myself and write a few poems this semester. First I have to get through my first fiction workshop!
That is my update for now. Thank you again friends for reaching out to me in a low time. I’ve got my Beyonce playing. I’m wearing more dresses than sweatpants. Meeko is doing great. My awesome Aunt is even sending me cookies. I’m taking all of your love and channelling it into my work here. I know I’m not one to call when things are going well, but I have a good feeling that it’s only up from here.